Who is your Slappy?

This is my brother Slappy. He used to be a U.S. senator who, like some other losers and scrubs, likes to "medicate" himself into oblivion. We all know someone like Slappy. Anytime he is sleeping off a bender, I find new and interesting ways to yank his chain. Just last week when I tripped over his relaxed carcass, I acted fast by administering a teabag wipe across his forehead.

For the benefit of polite society, "tea-bagging" is dipping your (hopefully sweaty) testicles onto a helpless friend, family, lover, or (if you are very lucky) a stranger. It's a subtle yet highly useful maneuver. Much like dipping a real teabag into some hot water. But I digress...

It's always advisable to have a cover story in place if caught. As always, I did. If Slappy came at me with "Yo, Quantum Lux, why did you teabag me bro?" I would assure him with "Listen Slappy, when the zombies rise and are roaming the countryside looking to munch brains, they will see you are already "marked" as belonging to someone else, and thus will leave you alone. I did it to save your life man!" Slappy would have no choice but to be grateful and offer to scoop my cat box for a month. Sweet!