Noise-hole

Verbal idiocy is a debilitating condition marked by an aura of social ineptness. What if the all-encompassing umbrella of verbal idiocy and ignorance had a name? My personal encapsulating definition is “noise-hole,” which is further defined as “the unpleasant and undesired sounds emanating from the oral aperture of an ignorant person’s head.” When encountering such, I recommend having earplugs handy for audio-defense as well as an escape plan.

Over the years I’ve grown extremely annoyed by certain people spewing a string of foolish ill-thought words that I couldn't help but correct them for the sake of the human gene pool. I am fed up with people who are erupting volcanoes of verbal idiocy. We have all encountered such frustration in our lives. Chances are we will again. Am I to endure such nonsense for the rest of my life? Is there no government program available to help these unfortunate souls? Has the bluebird of happiness quietly been replaced with the red pigeon of despair? Not if we understand the enemy is ignorance. Ignorant statements emanating from somebody's mouth may not be depleting the ozone layer, but it can't help. Under these conditions, that mouth becomes a noise-hole and is the bane of all reason wielding and clear thinking sentient beings.

Ignorance distinguishes a noise-hole with glaring clarity. Identifying a noise-hole and its ignorant owner is the first step in treating the cause. Treating only the symptom will result in mind numbing failure that is sure to trigger years of therapy and screaming oneself to sleep. I'm not talking about curtailing free speech by any means. I am talking about identifying and correcting those people who don’t know what they are talking about. They are the same folks who won't let the facts get in the way when discussing a topic with anyone within earshot. How they do not implode under the weight of their own stupidity is a science beyond the scope of my current education level and this benevolent posting.

I will identify a few groups and categories for the purpose of classification. These quotes are from real people and I refuse to tie a name with the quote because I don’t want to provide anymore notoriety these people think they already have. The truly ignorant know nothing, nor do they want to know anything. They are perfectly content in their own little world and never bother with any knowledge outside of their immediate sphere. Example, “We should pay for all illegal alien’s bills that are lucky enough to get here.” “We should just not worry about the terrorists, and then they will leave us alone.” Anybody paid to work in or around politics more often than not has an active noise-hole. They are especially active during an election year. Example, "You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say." "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago." An ever increasing number of news anchors, news media, and journalists have the loudest and most public noise-holes. Example, “We are fair and balanced.” “Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." Actors and famous people in the entertainment industry are astronomic public abusers of their noise-holes when they are not in rehab, ducking a paternity suit, or otherwise engaged in nefarious and scandalous activity. Example, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." "Fiction writing is great; you can make up almost anything." "Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Radical fanatics and zealots have nothing but their noise-holes to rely and feed each other’s ignorance with vexing efficiency. Example, “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.” Pressure groups usually have the most well funded noise-holes. Drug abusers have the best medicated noise-holes and always seem to be struggling for their daily share of oxygen. The following are exempt from the noise-hole designation due to situation or circumstance: The mentally challenged, brain trauma victims, anyone below 18 years old, and anyone over 107 years old. This list is substantially shorter.

Now let’s ask ourselves, what kind of diseased brine do their twisted brains slosh and float? If the noise-holes ran society, up would be down, donkey-punching would be in fashion, personal accountability would disappear, lettuce would have the vote, and I would be taxed every time I surfed the Internet. Think I’m joking? Wait and see which of these are being debated and passed by our lawmakers at this moment. But I digress. Noise-holes can come off as festering pustules of vitriolic hate that need an emotional and social time out. Pandemonium is said to be the capital city of hell. If ignorant noise-hole practitioners continue to gain momentum in their campaign of vocalizing their idiotic buffoonery and fascist social engineering, pandemonium will be just beyond our front door. Intellectual and knowledge stagnation is an insidious tumor in the otherwise healthy body of critical thought and rational reasoning. It is my wish to inform everyone of such perils and shine a light on the plague of the noise-hole. Let's hope a metaphoric vaccine is soon discovered and knowledge wins the battle over noise-hole ignorance. Until then, let’s do our part and correct any noise-hole ignorance encountered. What say you?