Turkey vs Rabbit

Sometimes it takes a loving slap to the face to hook and enlighten a reader enough to continue reading. While the topic of global warming may seem to need no such verbal hook, inbred generational eco-empathy, ignorance, and distortion are alive and well. Let me hook you.

Let's say my grandmother made a Thanksgiving turkey with all the trimmings. Let's also say this was one huge bird. The kind of bird that causes all my hungry relatives to pat their stomachs and quietly think, “I'm sure glad I wore my eating clothes today.” This is the kind of bird that could feed Rhode Island, twice. Upon closer inspection, the kind of bird that could trigger several countries to hire Sherpas and scale it to plant their national flag for the bragging rights.

Let's further say while my relative’s eyes were making a hundred promises of phenomenal textures and tastes their stomachs would soon regret, I carried this plump turkey to the top of a seven story building, Atlas style on my back, stopping only to pose and flex for the paparazzi. If I tossed the turkey over the edge of the roof, what would happen? Any rational thinking person would say it would fall to the pavement below due to gravity. Others would say I am an idiot for removing a delicious turkey from immediate consumption. I say it would be efficiently tenderized and enjoyed by many. Is everybody right? Regardless, the turkey and terra-ferma are now well acquainted and several university seismometers can provide confirmation.

Now let’s say I replaced that plump and juicy turkey with an equally cute and fuzzy bunny. Any rational thinking person would say it is cruel to toss a fuzzy bunny off a seven story building, especially since it would presumably soil itself on the way down. Members of PETA would try and chain themselves to the cute fuzzy bunny and stage protests while chanting mantras and sloganeering. Because it is a living thing, we now have a new factor in the equation, specifically emotions. Where humanity is concerned, emotions cause more irrational thoughts, words, and actions than any known substance in the universe, even reality TV! Don't worry, the cute fuzzy bunny is actually a veteran stunt rabbit (local 223) and makes more in a year than most corporate CEOs. No doubt because of a lesser known provision of the Patriot Act. See, don't you feel better now? Emotional disaster averted.

There are scant few subjects in the world that the human race bothers to recognize enough to understand, undertake, and solve. People take minor notice or give little consideration to global war, global famine, global terrorism, global plagues, or the global economy. Global warming, however, is at a fever pitch in the United States. As with any potentially emotional issue, there are always extremists and fanatics on both sides of the argument. A wide variety of voices cuts a swath of opinion and adds to the debate of the cause and effect of global warming.

Unfortunately, extremists and fanatics saturate the global warming debate with junk science, emotions, vitriol, misleading data, and downright idiot buffoonery. These voices, more often than not, drown out legitimate data, research, and facts. As clear thinking and rational people, we should always consider the source of any fact, theory, or data point.

It is up to the individual to assess the agenda that motivates each side’s view, data, and facts to sift through the rhetoric that seems to permeate this potentially emotional issue. Politicians seek to garner votes, scientists seek research funding, political action groups seek donations, fringe organizations want to push their beliefs on everybody, and the general public is caught up in the wake of hazy deceit, pseudo-science, politics, and the truth. It’s all enough to make a cute fuzzy stunt rabbit eat an efficiently tenderized turkey.