Murder most foul! The serial killer known as "Jigsaw" claimed another victim last night with a diabolically ingenious deadly puzzle-trap. Sandy the kitten was lured into what investigators are calling "the yarn trap" with promises of "play and sweet bliss" as recorded by Jigsaw himself on a taped message found in Sandy's hip pocket.Death occurred by self-strangulation during exhaustive and rigorous yarn play. Also found in Sandy's pockets were a bag of catnip, a glass pipe, a lighter, three mouse tails, and Prozac. Sandy gained national prominence after being sexually linked to once powerful, now fallen, U.S. senator Slappy the cat. (see Who is your Slappy? posting)
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