Loose Review: Battlestar Galactica

Ever since Milton Berle jumped from radio to the then fledgling National Broadcast Company (NBC) in 1948, the portrayal of women on television has been a leading subject for many stakeholders. Uncle Miltie had no way of knowing his era’s stereotypical depiction of women on television would spark many decades of debate, evolution, and change. Milton was known as “Mr. Television” and had upwards of 2 million viewers per night. In a 2000 interview on the Howard Stern show, uncle Miltie said, “Who would have thought my dressing in drag all those years ago would spark the beginning of feminism?” Seeing Uncle Miltie in drag makes me tingle in new ways I don't understand. Those often forgotten days of yore live on.

Fast forward 56 years and now we have Battlestar Galactica (2004 TV series) airing on the sci-fi channel. A 1997 study asserts that there are 2.4 times as many male characters in television as females. Such studies were often conducted by bored and ugly housewives (scientifically known as "Swamp-Donkeys") with nothing better to do than piss, moan, and breath up all the oxygen of the beautiful people. Battlestar Galactica blows this ratio out of the water with 1.25 times as many female characters as males. While this particular TV show seems to be the exception to the rule, there is much wisdom to be gained by further analysis and a system of "bonerness" ratings.

Three of the main characters are female, two of which were born that way. The president of the Twelve Colonies, Laura Roslin (bornerness rating: a gift "C"), has led her people with great strength and conviction through unspeakable horrors and hardships - all while battling breast cancer and a fleet wide vibrator shortage. Number Six (bornerness rating: "A minus") is also a strong female and enjoys whoring it up, but for different reasons. She is one half of the main protagonist duo who seeks to undermine the unity president Roslin has worked so hard to maintain. Did I mention she is immortal and has a third eye right above her vagina? At least she did until recently. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (bornerness rating: "B") has an iron will and stubbornness unparalleled or unmatched by any other character in this TV show. I can't say I know for a fact she does not have three separate genitals - all different sexes. There's that tingle again...

These females are in stark contrast the original Battlestar Galactica (1978 TV series) in many ways. For example, 100% of the main characters were male (bornerness rating: "F"). What few females (bornerness rating: "D" due to questionable 70's hygiene) there were where often relegated to lesser background roles and in some cases, scantily clad eye-candy for the much coveted viewers – males 18 to 30. The dynamic of Powerless/Passive versus Aggressive/Macho is exploited in this TV to almost comical effect. And don't get me started about "70's bush."