Being a cat of good taste, I am always on the lookout for opportunities to spend my consumer dollar. I find my proclivities are fed by the artful photos of "Live Nude Cats" and related publications. 
Wisdom from the 1950's is a forgotten heritage we all share. Those were innocent times with only the threat of nuclear war looming. But with nuclear mutations came the real possibility for anal carnage of the naive by the "sick". Degeneracy and abnormality started to flourish (like a pack of sickly vegans spreading their lies) in a time when few were equipped to recognize the danger. Memorize these watchwords: "One never knows when a homosexual is about"
U.S. Senator Barack Obama clinched the democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States today. Obama suffered a decline with voters for his controversial stance on opening talks with the notorious transvestite Amish zombie leader, Yabbi-ta (see Field Report: Signs of the Apocalypse? post). Zombies from every strata of undeadness are supporting Obama for president. The Stay Dead Party nominee, Gov. Chuck Goodrich, staunchly rejects zombie support of any kind in any political contest and had this to say, “People, they are zombies! They eat the brains of good folks like you and me! We must not negotiate with zombies.”
Gov. Goodrich unveiled his Zombie Defense System (ZDS) policy and infrastructure. Said Goodrich, “The ZDS will provide a safety net for families and make America’s cities a hub of urban growth and help strengthen our economy. By electing me, the people elect for the continued existence of children and puppies.”
When asked where the funding will come from to build the ZDS, Gov. Goodrich said, “The entire Zombie Defense System will be funded by the gold teeth repurposed from retired zombies.”
